i am not okayy.

let me ruminate.

ive been telling everyone that im fine. yupp. dont worry about me. but im not. oh my god. im such a lousy liar. i dont seem to be able to concentrate on anything that im doing. im even losing interest in completing a music piece. neither does reading a book helps much. i'll read, and probably lose focus, and end up stoning instead. shopping or exercising doesnt helps either! kill me somebody.

eugene said, "I'll do the normal bit of things i usually do and let life return to normal." gawd. i swear im doing pretty much the same but it doesnt works on me. like LOL. sucks. and sometimes, i do admire darren. yup, frivolous as he may seem to be, he's a warm-hearted, devoted creature, (haha. yeah creature) after knowing that he's still waiting for someone after so longgg. wow. darren, you go boy!

and ive been playing mariah carey's BYEBYE. for like 4206929 times.

This is for my peoples

who just lost somebody

Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady

put your hand way up high

We will never say bye (no, no, no)

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins

This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers

Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times

I didn't get it but you kept me in line

But when we talked too

All them grown folk things

Separation brings

[Chorus:]

I never knew I could hurt like this

And everyday life goes on like

As time goes by

And soon as you reach a better place

Still I'll give the whole world to see your face

It feels like you gone too soon

The hardest thing to do is say bye bye(Bye Bye [3x])

Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done

And you never got to see me back at number one

I wish that you were here to celebrate together

I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night

With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight

I thought you were so strong

That you can make it through whatever

It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

pluff.

Have you ever looked at someone through their pictures into their eyes and felt the distance getting longer and longer each time you dropped a glance? To know that the distance in reality can never supersede the one in the heart despite the proximity, and feeling somewhat helpless about it. Have you ever tried plucking up that courage that seemed to entrench itself at the bottom of the heart and when you finally did so, you looked back and saw how things might have been misinterpreted.Sometimes you wish that courage could do more than a mere suggestion. Or that recipient could see the whole picture.

for that, i can only stay, in silent reverie now. silently, but still, listening to what i want. Folks out there, i hope you guys perservere and listen to yourself too. since it is fated that god wants us to go through this as atypical kind of ordeal; survive it and we'll be better than before.

enough said. im moody today.